alone again

its over. every little cell in my body screams it. so strange how the body knows these things even before the mind sometimes. my raging sexual energy went completely and entirely dead. i can no longer love and be with a married man. my body told me this first. my mind is still coming to grips with it. i can not trust him regardless of the depth of his love. he can be satisfied loving me and married to her. i no longer can. perhaps it demonstrates a character flaw, a weakness, a thin level of love. perhaps i can not truly commit to any man and i use marriage as an excuse. perhaps i am not meant to have a partner, ever. loves, yes. partners, no. so, alone again, and maybe alone always.